Naruto In the Real World
by Bobby-san
Summary: 2 kids are watching Naruto when the cable goes out, and the Naruto characters come right out of the TV! What will happen? Overused plot and bad summary, sorry.
1. An Unexpected Surprise

A/N: I'm being daring. I'm attempting two fanfics at once. Well... It's daring for me anyway. I think this plot may be overused, but I've been thinking about this idea for a while now.  
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Chapter One: An Unexpected Surprise

"Argh!" Bobby yelled as his character got an bullet in the face in Dead Rising.

"Left, Left! No, Right, Right!" Sam leaned forward and gulped down his Sunkist.

"Sunnovabitch, I died!"

"We'll try again later, Naruto's on."

"Oh yeah!" Bobby leaned forward and pressed the input button.

"Owareru you ni, Isoideiru Kawaita mune ga karitateru-" The TV went into a flurry of snow.

"Mom, the cable's out!"

"Right in the middle of the opening! I gotta pee anyway, be right back."

"Alright." Bobby leaned back in his chair.

Suddenly, The TV started to have a small shape coming out of it. Then, A kunai came out of it, barely missing Bobby's head, "Jesus Christ, What the hell was that?" A large jumble of voices began pouring out of the TV, saying assorted things such as, "Sasuke-ku- You do not have enough hate- BELIEVE-! I am an aveng- ousand Years of Death!" Bobby got out of his seat and took a few steps back.

Out of nowhere, Naruto popped out of the screen, followed by Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi and other assorted characters. In about 20 seconds, the room was packed to the brim with the Rookie 9, Team Gai and more. If you had been in that room, you wouldn't have been able to hear yourself think above all the yelling and confusion. Bobby stood on the bed and yelled, "Will everybody just shut the fuck up!?" The rooms fell silent and all eyes fell on Bobby, some eyes glowing with the Sharingan and others with the Byakugan. "Alright, will all Konoha genins step to the left, and all other assorted peoples to the right!" The rooms split and Bobby stepped in the middle of all the chaos, "Ok, All Evil peoples, Akatsuki, Sound, or just plain evil, please go downstairs, all Konoha or good peoples stay upstairs." There was some mass confusion with who was good and who was evil but it all got sorted out.

Sam walked out of the bathroom, "Hey, Bobby. Hey, Naruto. Hey, Sas- What the fuck!?"

"They popped out of the TV, now shut up so we can get organized. I'll go downstairs and handle the evil people. You stay here with all the good people.

"All... right."

"Good." Bobby jumped on the banister and slid down.  
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DOWNSTAIRS

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Bobby slid down the banister, "Alright, all Akatsuki on the right, and all Sound and other assorted evil on the left," They stood where they were, "Move!"

Orochimaru walked to the front," And why should we listen to you?"

"You came out of my TV, didn't you?"

They all begrudgingly listened to me and split in half, "Alright, Akatsuki, you stay here, Sound and other assorted evil, you're going home with Sam when he goes home tomorrow. And also, Itachi, you can kill Orochi at anytime, just... go in the backyard."

Itachi looked at Orochimaru, "Tsukuyomi!"

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IN TSUKUYOMI

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Orochimaru was dangling by his feet and had his head chained to the wall. Itachi walked up to him," For the next 72 hours, I will hold this picture of my brother in front of you, and you can't kiss it."(1)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

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DOWNSTAIRS

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Orochimaru fell dead to the ground. Bobby's eyes widened in surprise,"How long did it take?"

Itachi looked at Bobby, "Five minutes."

"Damn, Could someone get rid of the body?" Bobby looked down and saw that Orochimaru's body was gone. "What the-?"

Zetsu burped, "Sorry, I was hungry."

"Well, the body's gone. Someone comfort the mistresses." Kabuto and Kimimaro were in the fetal position on the couch crying.

"I'll do it, yeah." Deidara walked over to Kabuto and Kimimaro and punched them,"Shut up, yeah! He's dead and there's nothing you can do about it, yeah!"

Kabuto and Kimimaro let out a little sound of agreement and ran into the crowd.

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UPSTAIRS

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"Alright," Sam yelled to the crowd, "Me and Bobby always discussed who would get who if this ever happened, all of the Rookie 9 and Team Gai stay here, and everyone else goes home with me tomorrow, We'll work everything out from there." No-one could argue with him so they all just hung around the room with Sam telling everyone the circumstances... until Naruto got on the computer.

"Hey, Sam!"

"What?"

"What are the NaruSasu forums(2)... and why is it on Bobby's favorites?"

"It's nothing, now get off the-"

"Why are me and Sasu- Holy Shit!"

"I knew this would happen."

"Sasuke-teme!"

Sasuke walked over,"What is it, do-" Sasuke looked at the screen, "Bobby will die... in the most painful way possible."

Kakashi glanced at the screen and walked over, "Now Sasuke, appreciate it, people don't mind you and Naruto's relationship."

Sasuke turned to Kakashi, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know, the one you've always had, It's really obvious."

"I am not gay!"

"Sure..."

"God dammit!"

Sakura ran over to Sasuke, "What's wrong, Sasuke-" She looked at the screen, "kun."

Naruto gulped loudly, "This won't end well."

Sakura turned to Naruto with the chakra around her fist visible, "Die, you teme!"

Kakashi stopped the fist just in time, "Now Sakura, accept Sasuke's sexuality."

"But I'm not gay!"

"Sure you aren't."

"What is wrong with you!?"

"Nothing, nothing at all."

Sasuke sighed, "I'm going downstairs to kill Itachi." Sasuke walked down the stairs.

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DOWNSTAIRS

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Bobby looked at the stairs, "Shit, it's Sasuke," He turned to Itachi, "Don't fight him."

"I will try to restrain myself."

Sasuke flipped over the banister and started doing a Chidori,"You will die, Itachi!"

"Now, brother, now is not the time to fight."

"Shut up and die!" Sasuke raced at Itachi but Itachi broke Sasuke's hand, effectively stopping the Chidori before it did any damage.

Kakashi poked his head out from upstairs, "You can't hurt him because you read too much shounen-ai," Kakashi ran upstairs before Sasuke could say anything. Itachi started pummeling Sasuke as Sasuke tried to dodge but couldn't.

"Stop it, you'll wreck my house!" They kept on fighting. "Dammit," Bobby started doing the hand signals for the Suiton: Suiryudan no Jutsu, "This should scare them." Bobby finished his hand signals and yelled, "Suiton: Suiryudan no Jutsu!" He expected nothing to happen but for the two Uchiha's to stop fighting, but the water around Sasuke and Itachi began condensating and morphed into the form of a dragon. One thought ran through everyone's mind, that was,"How the fuck did he do that?"

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Ha, slight cliffhanger. Whatever...

1- Me and Sam think that's how Itachi beat Orochimaru the first time.

2- narusasu. proboards100. com Go there without the spaces... NOW.

EDIT: Some of the dividers and the site got fucked up, but I fixed them


	2. A Day Off

A/N: Wow, I thought that was going to get flamed but I got two good reviews! w00t. Hem hem, Anyway, on with the story ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Two: A day off

Itachi backflipped onto a radiator to avoid the dragon, while Sasuke rolled out of the way. The dragon spun around in the room until Kisame beheaded it with Sameheda. He turned to Bobby, "How the fuck did you do that?"

"How should I know, that was just supposed to scare them from stopping the fight!"

Itachi walked into the middle of the crowd and looked at Bobby, "When we came out of the television, all of our jutsu's came with us. For some reason, he has an abnormal level of chakra."

Bobby turned to Itachi, "So I can do jutsu now?"

"Yes."

"Hmmm," Bobby thought for a minute and started doing the hand signals for the Chidori," Let's see if this works." A small amount of chakra started pooling in Bobby's hand. It transformed into a large mass of thunder.

Itachi took a precautionary step back, "Stop at any time."

"I can't!"

Kabuto dashed in front of Bobby and began doing fast handsignals. His hands began glowing with chakra, he hit Bobby in several muscles so his chakra production slowed enough to stop the Chidori, "Thanks."

Kabuto straightened his glasses,"Do not mention it."

Bobby tried to walk but couldn't, "Could you not hit the key walking muscles next time?"

"Sorry, I apologize."

Sam walked down the stairs, "What the fuck is going on down here?"

"Don't ask... just stay upstairs."

Kakashi popped his head out from the top of the stairs, " By the way Itachi, Sasuke is gay."

Sasuke turned to Kakashi, "What is wrong with you!?"

"Foolish little brother, I already knew this fact."

"What is wrong with everybody!"

Kakashi and Itachi spoke in unison, "Nothing... nothing at all."

"God Dammit!" Sasuke stormed back upstairs.

Bobby looked at the clock, "It's 1, everyone 12 and younger should go to sleep, Everyone above 12, wake up my parents and let them know that we have about 100 new guests, and no Sharingan torture, Itachi."

"I will not."

"Good, now I'm going to bed."

-  
1 WEEK LATER ----------------------------

Bobby got out of his bed and looked at the time, "Crap, vacation's over, it's time for school!" He shot out of bed and woke everybody under 18 up,"Come on, time for school everyone, you're lucky my mom enrolled you, get the fuck up." They all got dressed and ran outside.

Naruto walked up to Bobby, "Well... where's the school?!"

"Just follow me." Bobby began doing fast handseals and yelled, "Shuishin no Jutsu!"

Taking off like a bullet, he flew across the town, with all the ninja minors in tow. "We'll get there in no-" Bobby smacked against a tree, hard. "Ow..."

Bobby's highschool friends, Sara and Lori, were luckily right next to the tree.(1)

"...Woah! Where the hell did all of the Naruto cosplayers come from?" She asked. She started poking at Gaara. "Good job, though."

"He looks like he acts like Gaara too, Sara. You might want to..." Lori paused as Gaara wrapped Sara's arm in sand. "Stop that..." She ended.

"Child in pain here, help?"

Sara seemed to realize what was going on. She ran over to Bobby and asked seriously, "What hurts?"

"Well... every bone in my body seems to be screaming in pain... that about sums it up."

Sara looked mystified. "...There's no swelling..." She poked his arm. "That hurt?"

"Yes! Pain!"

She started looking closer. "...Okay, never mind. It's swelling. Can you move it?"

"No, hold on. Kabuto!"

Kabuto dashed over and overviewed the damages, "Give me a moment and it will be healed, it's a good thing you forced me to come in case this happened." Kabuto crouched down and flowed chakra into Bobby's wounds.

Sara pouted a little and stepped back. "...I feel useless now."

"It's okay, Sara. We still love you anyway," Lori said.

"So does that mean I get to cop a feel whenever I want?" Sara asked hopefully. Lori glared. Sara pouted again. "Foiled again!" She shouted, holding a fist up in defeat.

Bobby sat up and turned to Sara and Lori, "So, you're not curious as to where they came from?"

"Um, if it's like other cliche fanfics where Naruto characters come to our world or vice versa, then either your TV or your computer," Sara said.

"...Leave it to Sara to act like this is normal," Lori said, sighing.

"...How did it happen?" Sara asked.

Bobby whispered under his breath, "You're breaking the fourth wall, Sara." He leaned back and began talking regular, "It was out of my TV."

"Crazy, so I guess my rampant reading into the Naruto fandom was a good move!" Sara said."So you're sure you're fine?"

Meanwhile, Lori was trying to talk to Rock Lee, who was wondering which god smiled on him that made this girl talk to him. Basically Sara's excuse to ignore Lori for the time being.

"I can move so I'm fine... but, it's a great excuse for missing school. See ya when you get out."

"...Damn you!" She said, pushing him playfully, then stalking off to school. Lori seemed to come out of flirting with Rock Lee and jogged after her. "Seeya, middle schoolers," Sara said the last part, playfully mocking him.

"One of these days... meh, I'll see you guys when school lets out."

Bobby dashed back to school and started limping on purpose when he came in the door, "Mom, I hit a tree... again!" Noone answered him, "Oh yeah, she went to work."

He went to the computer and brought up Windows Media Player, "What the hell... Kakashi's playlist, Don't touch." He clicked on the playlist.

'The Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang(2)' started playing, 'You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals so let's-' Sudden nosebleeding occured during the next sentence and Bobby quickly muted the computer. He looked at the next song, "Date Rape by Sublime... I should just get off." He jumped out of the chair and looked into the backyard, "Oh god no." He ran toward the backyard.

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BACKYARD ----------------------

Gai stood in a fight-ready pose as he faced his opponent, "I will defeat you!"

"My power far outranks yours fool!"

"No, you are the fool, prepare to be defeated, Leaf Hurricane!"

Now let's get out of Gai's imagination.

"I just want to borrow a cup of-" The neighbor was cut off when Gai kicked him in the face.

Bobby ran over to them, "What the fuck, Gai, did you forget to take your meds!?"

"Another foe!" Gai did a diving kick, a la dynamic entry and kicked Bobby in the face, knocking him unconcious, "Victory is m-" His celebration was cut short by Anko sticking a needle in his neck.

"There," She looked around, "I don't think he'd mind." She grabbed his leg and dragged him in the house.

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7 HOURS LATER ------------------------

Naruto kicked the door open, "Man, school is almost as bad as... what the hell is that?" There was a song playing from upstairs. He ran upstairs and kicked the door open, "Oh my god!"

'You and me baby ain't nothin but-' Anko turned off the music and dived for the door to close it.

No-one ever knew why Naruto was unconcious in his own blood, and Gai never knew why he was naked in a dumpster, and noone ever found out.

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(1): Sara forced me to put her and Lori in and she wrote her lines so it may be unlike my writing.

(2): I was actually listening to that song when I wrote that. 


	3. Ninjas Wanted, Reply ASAP

A/N: Holy SHIT! Everyone loves this story. (That was ALOT better then I was expecting) I'm definitely putting 'Ninja's Don't Cry' on hold for this story. I'm also trying to make this chapter more crack-ish, so I'm listening to the Hampster Dance as I write it.  
Also, these are all people I really know, and myself. (Except for Sara and Lori, they live across the country and except for the ninja's, but that's obvious)  
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Chapter 3: Ninjas Wanted, Reply ASAP.

Sam kicked his door and shot it open, "God, I hate Russian." He went to collapse on the couch but a light whimpering from the corner got his attention, "What the-"

Itachi was curled up in a ball in the corner and lightly whimpering.

"What happened?"

"Th- that one girl, Sara... she... grabbed me in places she shouldn't have."

"So, you're telling me, a girl grabbed the crotch of the great Uchiha murderer... and he's scared of her!?"

Itachi simply curled up tighter and whimpered.

"Wait a minute... aren't you supposed to be at Bobby's house?"

"No! What're you? Crazy! Crotch Girl is there!"

"Oh... Well... what'd you want to do?"

"Hide!"

"Wha-" Sam turned around and saw "Crotch Girl' walk right into the house, followed by Bobby, Naruto, Chouji, Shikamaru, Hinata and Asuma, "What're you all doing here?!"

Bobby pointed to Sara, "She wanted to claim her prize."

Sara ran off in a cloud of smoke, looking for her "prize."

"And why's everyone else here?"

"They were bored."

Shikamaru leaned his head back on his arms, "No, I said 'How troublesome.' not, 'I am bored'."

"Dude, it was a fucking given, you're always bored."

"Meh."

Sam looked out the window and saw Tsunade walking up the sidewalk, "Was she bored too?"

Bobby looked out the door, "Oh, I didn't even know she was coming."

Tsunade walked in and went straight up to Bobby, "We've got a situation back at the house."

"Well, what is it?"

"Kakashi has a 1st degree chidori burn on his crotch and chest, and 5 kunai in his arms and legs. Sasuke passed out from blood loss from cuts on his wrists that, when he adapted to what his kind of people do in this world, he began doing to himself. Kakashi apparently said some comment about Sasuke's sexuality and he went psycho. The last thing Kakashi said before I left was to tell you what happened and to say that, 'The first place Sasuke went to with his Chidori was my crotch.'"

"Alright then, get all the medic nins on it right away and-"

"We need new ninjas."

"Ooohhh, alright. We'll have 'em in a week, at the least."

"How?"

"Ever heard of Craig's List?"

Everyone, even Sam, looked confused at this, "What?"

"It's a website where you put messages for jobs, and other crap. I'm sure we would get ninjas fast." Everybody still blankly stared at him, "Just let me on the computer and I'll show everybody."

Everybody, except Chouji who ran toward the kitchen and almost tore the refridgerator door off it's handles, went into the computer room.

Bobby sat down and popped the window up, "Alright... here we go... 'Ninjas... wanted... reply... ASAP' Perfect."

Sam popped his head around the crowd, "But you don't even say where to-"

"I said it's perfect! Do you want me to Chidori you straight to hell!"

"I could kick your ass!"

"Fine then, tomorrow, on fight day(1), I'll kill ya."

"You're on."

Tsunade popped into the conversation, "Bobby."

"What?"

"There's three replies already."

"Huh, Woah!"

"Who are they?"

"Hm... James, Maulik, and Gerrett... I know them!"

Sam got back into the conversation, "You mean the kids from school?"

"Yeah, that means we could get them now! I'll Shuishin over to Maulik's house, Everyone else, knock on random doors until you find James and Gerrett."

Bobby was already out the window, leaving everyone else to barge into people's homes, demanding James or Gerrett, and in Asuma's case, a pack of cigs along with them.

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THE NEXT DAY

Bobby walked in the door with everyone following him, including the new recruits, "Dammit, I said 'Knock on the door.', not go in and fucking rob the place!"

No one answered him and he just slapped his hand on his face, "Alright, today's fight day, so no crackish humor for the rest of the day, just fight scenes," Bobby turned toward an empty space of air, "There, are all you action fans happy now!?"

James looked out from the crowd, "Bobby... What the fuck was that!?"

"Nothing... alright, because this is my house, I decide the fights, alright?"

Everyone sheepishly agreed.

"Alright... First Match is... Neji vs. Lee."

Lee pointed toward Neji, "As everyone says in this culture, I shall pawn joo."

"Second Match is... Me vs. Sam... Third Match is... Kakashi vs. Sasuke."

Kakashi leaned against the wall, "Don't you mean SasUKE?"

Sasuke leered at Kakashi but, shockingly enough, controlled himself.

"Fourth Match is a special match, I'll call it 'Rape Revenge.' Gai vs. Anko."

Anko shiftily looked around and slid to the back of the crowd.

Bobby ran through all the possible matches in his mind in a few seconds and came up with all the matches. 50 matches later, people that hadn't been said just agreed to be spectators.

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FIRST MATCH

Neji stood in a fight-ready stance facing Lee, Lee stood in his usual stance and the two prepared to fight.

Bobby stood off to the side with his finger on the play button of his stereo, "We can start as soon as Sam comes with the fight mix."

Sam flipped into the backyard arena and threw the CD at Bobby, Bobby caught it, popped it in the CD player, and pressed play, "Fight!"

Saliva's Click Click Boom filled the backyard as the two ninjas charged at eachother.

-  
OH TEH NOEZZ! CLIFFHANGER!

(1) Fight day was a rule made in the week that I didn't write... because I was lazy. XP


	4. The First Fights

A/N: I'm sorry, but Fight Day is more of a test of my fight scene skizizles (Translation: Skills) But there will be humor! Que the fanfare... Meh. It's also to hook the action fans into reading this too, because I want to be "more popular then Jesus!" (I stole that from Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Movie Trailer)  
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Chapter 4: The First Fights

Neji spun his foot in the dirt and kicked some up. Lee did a Dynamic Entry-esque kick into the center of the dirt cloud and cleared it up, but Neji was gone. The hardcore music filled the backyard as Lee looked around intently for his opponent. A bag filled with kunai was dropped next to Lee. Lee flipped away and waited for something to happen, but nothing did. He went to the bag and pulled a kunai out.

"Perfect." Neji, who was hidden in a tree, did a hand signal and focused some of his chakra onto the bag of kunai.

"Shit!" Lee attempted to run away, but he was too late. The bag of tagged kunai exploded and sent him flying through the chain fence.

Gai looked on in his patented 'Gai Look of Horror(tm)', "My favorite student mustn't lose... Lee! Drink this!" Gai threw a bottle of beer at Lee, "It's... an energy drink!"

"Okay, Gai-sensei! I will drink this youthful energy drink!" Lee leaned back and guzzled the 'energy drink' down. Lee jumped back up ready to fight, but got a certain red blush on his cheeks, "'Ey... I don' like the way you lookin' at me." Neji knew what was coming and shifted into his 64 Trigrams stance. "Wann' go... punk!"

"Yes, let us." Neji spun toward Lee as he staggered toward him. "2 strikes!" Neji went to hit Lee but he had suddenly gone behind him, 'I'm done!'

Lee leaned toward Neji and collapsed on him,"You make me feel beautiful!" Lee then proceeded to vomit on Neji's head and pass out.

Gai kept his 'Gai Look of Horror(tm)' on his face as Tsunade raised her hand toward Neji, "The winner is... Hyuuga Neji!"

Neji leaned back with his 'I'm better then you' grin, "Who's your favorite student now, Gai-sensei?"

"Lee, of course."

"Damn." Neji walked back into the stands as Shizune walked over to the stereo to change it to the next song. Bobby and Sam stepped out into the arena.

Bobby nodded toward Zabuza and he nodded back while Sam stared wondering what he was planning.

Tsunade raised her hand, "Ready..." She shot her hand down, "Begin!" Shizune pressed play and Flogging Molly's Seven Deadly Sins played.

Zabuza threw Kubikiri at Bobby which he caught and put into a fight ready position, "So Sam, choose your weapon."

Sam turned toward Hayate, "Katana, now." Hayate coughed a bit and threw him his katana, "Ready."

The two charged at eachother, Sam was dashing in like a samurai, holding Hayate's katana near his waist while Bobby dashed in as Zabuza would, with Kubikiri on his back. They clashed the blades, Bobby flipping over Sam with Sam sliding under.

Bobby slashed the sword onto the ground and used it as leverage to jump into the air, quickly doing hand signals and yelled, "Katon: Hosenka no Jutsu!" He fired rapid fireballs at Sam which hit him. His burned corpse fell to the ground and stayed there, until it turned into a log.

Sam appeared in the air behind Bobby, "Gotcha."

He attempted to slash Bobby but he through a kunai backhanded at Sam's leg, which he was forced to dodge, "Gotcha, my ass."

Sam flipped back to the ground and threw a kunai at Bobby, which he was able to slash out of the way. Sam slashed the ground and threw a bit of dirt at Bobby. Not being prepared for just dirt being thrown at him, Bobby got hit in the face with it, but he turned into a log as the hidden explosive tag in the dirt blew up.

Bobby appeared in the exact spot the explosion happened in when the dust cleared up, "Dude, I could see that a mile away, be more creative next time."

The Sam that Bobby was talking to turned into a log and Sam appeared behind Bobby, "Alright then." Sam drove his katana through Bobby's gut.

Bobby fell forward coughing up blood, "Shit, should've seen that one coming."

Tsunade ran into the arena, "Stop the match!"

Bobby raised his hand to stop Tsunade, "Give me a second." Bobby laid there gasping for a couple of seconds, but he then rolled to the side and pierced the area near Sam's heart with a kunai.

"Dammit!"

"How's that?"

Tsunade called all the medic nins in and they worked as fast as they could to heal the wounds

Bobby looked toward Sam, "Next time, motherfucker."

Sam just laughed at what Bobby said, "You wish."

The two were dragged back into the house for more intensive treating.

Kakashi and Sasuke walked out and stood in fighting positon as Kurenai, who took Shizune's place, went to the stereo and pressed play on the next song. If You Were Gay, from Avenue Q started playing.

Sasuke stared at the stereo, "Why is this on?"

Kakashi simply put on his 'happy face', "I asked Sam to put it on the CD for our match."

"Dammit!"

Sasuke did quick hand signals and pooled all of his chakra into his hand, creating a white Chidori, "Die!" He dashed at Kakashi and sliced him in half. Unfortunately for Sasuke, Kakashi turned into a log and reappeared behind him.

"You used to be my favorite student, oh well." Kakashi put his hands in a familiar seal, "Thousand Years of Pain!"

"Gurf- Ahhhhh!!!" Sasuke flew into the air and landed on his face, unconcious.

Genma, who was taking the place of Tsunade, raised her hand, "The winner is... Kakashi!"

Kakashi walked back into the stands as Gai and Anko walked into the backyard.

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Blarg. Next Chapter is Gai and Anko's fight and a free-for-all between the newbies. Plus a couple more fights.


	5. Noontime Fightin'

A/N: BLEH!... That's all I have to say. Sorry for the sort of short chapter. I kind of just want to get fight day over now. Sorry.  
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Chapter 5: Noontime Fightin'

Gai switched to his fight position as Anko picked at her ear. Kurenai pressed play on the next song as Genma shot his hand down, "Begin!"

Gai ran toward Anko as she simply stretched her arms and yawned, "You will be defeated, She-demon!"

Anko raised her arm and flipped Gai off, "Don't even try it."

Gai jumped into the air and spun around rapidly, "Leaf Hurricane!" Anko kept her arm, which was still giving Gai the finger, in the air and blocked the kick, "What!?" Gai spun around and kicked again. Anko moved her arm in the way and blocked it again. As Gai's kicks became faster, she still blocked every single one directed at her.

She put her other hand into a Tiger seal and caused a snake to come out of the ground and bite Gai in the leg, "Youth!" Gai spouted out that word and passed out.

"The winner is..." Genma looked around, "Where's Anko?" He looked around a bit closer, "And where's Gai?"

A familiar song began playing from the house.

Genma looked at the house, "Let's just go to the next fight."

-  
IN THE HOUSE (No, not in the room where Gai's getting raped)  
-----------------

Bobby walked out from the temporary infirmary with bandages around his stomach and walked to the computer, he sat down and activated AIM.

-  
ON AIM

LIL: What's up?

Oddjobbob705(1): Not much, just got stabbed in the gut by my friend who was using Hayate Gekko's katana.

LIL: 0o

Oddjobbob705: Should I explain?

LIL: Please do.

Oddjobbob705: Well, the Naruto characters came out of my TV and... we're having a fight tournament.

Oddjobbob705: Hello?

LIL: is too busy being unconcious to answer

-  
NEW IM

Sasukelicious: hey

Oddjobbob705: Hey, how are you?

Sasukelicious: good you?

Oddjobbob705: I felt better when I didn't have a hole in my stomach.

Sasukelicious: i wont ask

Sasukelicious has signed off

Oddjobbob705: Damn.

Sasukelicious is not available

Oddjobbob705: Stop rubbing it in.

Sasukelicious is not available

Oddjobbob705: Shut the fuck up!

Sasukelicious is not available

Oddjobbob705: AHHH!!!

-  
BACK IN THE BACKYARD

Haku laid on the ground with an indignant Zabuza in front of him, "Man, you need some serious training. Lay off the chips too, you're starting to look like Chouji."

Chouji leaned forward, "Hey, I'm not fat, I'm big boned!"

Genma gnawed on his toothpick, "Next combatants come out."

Gerrett, James, and Maulik came out of the stands.

Genma turned toward Kurenai, "Switch back to the 6th song."

Kurenai nodded and pressed play as Genma yelled, "Begin!" Scooter's How Much is the Fish played as Gerrett ran toward the other two. James stood in a Lee/Gai-ish position while Maulik took a more Tai Kwon Do position. Gerrett tried to punch at Maulik but he grabbed his arm and tried to fling him over. However, he couldn't, so he elbowed him in the stomach.

Gerrett turned around and kicked at James, grazing his stomach. James punched at Gerrett's face, sending him into Maulik, knocking the two over.

Maulik rolled back up and uppercutted James' chin. He almost fell but regained himself by landing on his arm and kicking Gerrett in the face. "Gerrett is down!" (2)

James grinned a little bit and thumbed his nose, because of this, he didn't notice Maulik sneaking up behind him. Maulik punched at him and got him in the head. In his last second of conciousness, he kicked Maulik out instantly.

Genma thought over who won in his head for a second, "The winner is James, by a 1/2 second of conciousness."

Kurenai stopped the songs and pulled their unconcious bodies from the backyard.

Genma spat out his toothpick and flipped another one into his mouth, "We'll take a short lunch break, and return in a half hour with the remaining fights."

Everybody walked out of the backyard, headed toward lunch.  
-

The next chapter will be the end of the first fight day. Hooray!

1: My real screen name. IM ME.

2: I didn't realize how much Gerrett got the shit beaten out of him until I read it over. He'll get better later, don't worry.


	6. The Returning Humor

A/N: Yes, it's been forever. Blarg.  
---------------------  
Chapter 6: The Returning Humor 

As everyone stood around the backyard in anticipation of the next combatants to come out, no one did.

"Dammit! Where are the next fighters?" Genma finally screamed out in annoyance.

"Uhhh..." Kurenai looked up wondering, "Maybe they just want Fight Day to end, so they're not coming out?"

"Look, no matter what, Fight Day, is not ending!"

Kabuto ran into the backyard, "Excuse me, sir?"

"What the hell is it?"

Kabuto handed a piece of paper to Genma, "The author has sent you a note to stop Fight Day right away."

Genma got an angry look in his eyes, "On what grounds?"

"He's bored of writing fights."

Genma spat his toothpick into the ground, "Why does he have to be so damn stubborn! Fine. Go to the school chapter already, I don't really care anymore!

-  
AT SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY

----------

Naruto walked through the halls rubbing his eyes next to Sasuke, Sam, and Bobby, " Why can't you learn fun stuff in school, like how to throw a kunai the right way, or new techniques?"

Bobby turned to Naruto, "Because not everyone can just do hand signals, yell out names of techniques, and breath fire."

Sasuke kept his view looking straight, "You could."

"Uh- Um- well- Shut the hell up."

Sam finally turned to the other three, "We all split up here right? See ya."

Everyone said their goodbyes and headed to their 1st period classes.

-  
NARUTO'S 1ST PERIOD CLASS

------------

Naruto walked into his math class and collapsed onto his desk.

The teacher, Mr. Ging, walked in front of the class, "Today, we're gonna learn Surface Area and Volume."

The entire class groaned, but Mr. Ging just flipped his pointer through the air and caught it, "Alright, for a cylinder, you have to get the radius of... blah blah blah."

Naruto fiddled with his pencil, "I hope everyone else isn't as bored."

-  
BOBBY'S 1ST PERIOD CLASS

---------

Bobby ran into his technology class and threw his backpack in the back. Everyone looked at him and Derek, one of the students asked, "Why're you so happy?"

"Well, I know I'm guaranteed to win the boat race,"

Mr. Desimone, the technology teacher, walked into the room, "How're you guaranteed to win?"

Bobby grinned, "You'll see."

As you can tell, there was a boat race going on today, now the class didn't build full-fledged yacht club boats, but they built small styrafoam replicas.

As Mr. Perillo, the other technology teacher, set up the track, Bobby kept his grin on his face.

The races started that day, and they continued until the end of the period.

Bobby and Derek stood across the table placing their boats in the appropriate lanes. Bobby looked up, "Prepare to lose."

"Tch, you wish."

As Mr. Desimone turned the fan on, Bobby crept behind it and did a few hand signals, "Katon: Hosenka no Jutsu." He whispered his technique and blew fire through the fan, giving his boat a boost. Unfortunately, he failed to remember that 'Fire+Styrofoam BURNINATION'. When the flames got too close to his boat, it set on fire and sunk.

Derek's boat crossed the finish line as Bobby whapped his head on the table.

-  
SAM'S 1ST PERIOD CLASS

---------------

Sam walked into Art and plopped down into his seat. Looking around, he saw that everyone looked a little hyper today. With a hyper Art Class, you'll never know what's gonna happen next. As the teacher walked into the room, one of the student's twitches knocked over a paint tube. Unfortunately, this sent out some bad juju to the other students.

John Doe(1), an Art Class student, shot up, "Paint fight, Paint Fight!"

"Crap!" Sam dove under his table and watched as orange, yellow, brown, and red paint flew through the air.

John jumped on a table and threw paint at the teacher. The teacher stood up and screamed, "Stop!"

The whole class stopped. Paint even froze in midair.

Mrs. Kamitziz, the art teacher, was breathing heavily out of anger, "Everyone who even thought of throwing paint, leave this room and report to the dean's office right now!"

Everyone except Sam walked out of the room. Sam sighed and leaned back under the table, "This is gonna be a long day."

Little did Sam know, what happened was only a taste of the chaos that would unfold that day

------------  
Finally, we get back to actually FUNNY things. :P

(1) John Doe is not a real student, obviously


	7. EBO Sounds Like Emo

A/N: Chapter 7 is here. fanfare  
-

Chapter 7: E.B.O sounds like Emo

-  
BETWEEN 1ST AND 2ND PERIOD

------------

Bobby walked out of his tech class with his burnt-out shell of a boat, "I would've won, if it weren't for that meddling fire."

Sasuke walked out of his health class looking slightly distressed and caught up to Bobby, "I learned things I shouldn't have."

"Sex ed?"

Sasuke shakily nodded his head.

"Well, didn't they teach you about the birds and the bees in the Ninja Academy?"

"The what and the who?"

"Nevermind."

-  
BOBBY AND SAM'S 2ND PERIOD CLASS

--------------

Bobby walked in and slid his backpack under his desk as the bell rang, "Uh, just made it."

Sam leaned back in his desk to look toward Bobby, "Thank god."

"Why? You worried?"

"Nope, but ever since you were late 3 times, there's been a betting pool for if you'd make it, and since I was the only one who betted on you making it in time, I just won 20 dollars!"

Nick, another student in the class, slumped in his seat, "And I lost fifty."

Bobby shrugged his shoulders, "Sucks to be you then."

As all the students conversed, a figure was watching from the rooftops. He had a sniper rifle in his hand and had a suit of pitch black armor.(1)

Pulling a radio up to his mouth, he spoke into it, "I have an unusual amount of chakra on the meter, I think this is our big break."

A raspy voice answered, " Good, you can make your move at any time once you've confirmed the abnormalities. You've done well, 17."

"Thank you, sir."

-  
MOMENTARY BREAK FROM THE STORY

------------

Ok, this is not a character speaking. This is Bobby-san, the author. Now, yes, I said there'd be no plot. However, my muse has been screaming at me for a government plot thing. And what my muse says goes, Okay? I'm going to also SKIP the rest of the school day for two reasons.

One. I'm too lazy to write the whole school day.

Two. There's no reason to write out a entire school day that only has a few interesting points.

SO. I'm going to skippy-skip to after school and give you a summary on what happened, ok?

Period 3-5:Nothing happened. gasp

Period 6: 17 watched Sam and Bobby (mew00t) showcase their 'l33t h4xx0r skillz'

Period 7: 17 takes a potshot at Bobby during his gym class and misses. Bobby gets sent home for "magical gunshot disease"

Period 8-9: Nothing. gaspgasp

-  
5:55 PM

------------

Bobby got up from his nap and scratched his head. Looking at the clock, he saw the time. It looked alot brighter then it was. He got up and looked out the window. There were S.W.A.T. vans outside his house and BLACK OPS who looked like every generic evil empire movie soilder.

Shit. This wouldn't end well.

-  
OUTSIDE

---------

The Akatsuki stood in front of the house in a line, as if sending a silent message to the government to 'Stay the fuck away.' They seemed to obey. Bobby jumped from his back window and went into his garage. Quickly grabbing a sledgehammer off the wall, Bobby slung it over his back and ran over to the 'STFA' line.

"What the hell's going on?"

Tobi turned to Bobby, "We don't know. They came and just stayed there... like they were preparing for something."

"Well," Bobby pulled his sledgehammer off his back, "Whatever they're preparing for, they're getting now." Spinning around, he faced the Akatsuki. "Listen. Get every single ninja you can. We need every last one we have. I'll hold the line with some Bunshin's."

For some odd reason, they obeyed him and vanished inside the house to wake up, or arm, all the ninjas in the house and Sam's.

The soilders saw this as an opportunity to make their move. A few S.W.A.T. members ran up to Bobby to try to get by. Unfortunately for Dale Bradshaw, who was the first one to get up to him, Dale got his face crushed in.

Such a horrible rapage befell the other stupid soilders who decided to come up.

By then, the soilders were antsy. They all loaded their guns and pointed at the house. As their commanding officer was about to give the order to fire, all the soilders, and the commander, fell dead to the ground with kunais in any and all vital organs. The entire front yard was nearly completely desolate of life. Then, the entire ninja army fell from the roof. They all started to move toward the vans to destroy any stragglers.

A low, but high-pitched whine started emenating from a van. Everyone jumped back as the van exploded and a dark, cloaked figure walked out of the rubble. Taking off his cloak, he revealed himself to be the person who attempted to snipe Bobby before. Or, at least he had the same armor.

His armor was pure black, except for three white letters on his back; 'E.B.O.' Elite Black Ops.

He showed a badge. It looked like a nothing, but a holographic image of the number 20 appeared over his hand.

"I am Number 20 in the 20-man organization known as the Elite Black Ops. We work for the government, taking care of unnatural surges in chakra, which only we have the authority to control. You," He pointed at Bobby,"And you," He pointed at Sam, who came with the other ninjas," Are coming with me, or I will be forced to kill you and your entire army."

Bobby looked as if he was stifling a laugh. After a few moments, he burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Everyone was looking at him odd, until he stood back up.

"Are-" He interrupted himself with a laugh, "Are you fucking serious?!"

"Yes," He pulled out a shotgun and a rather menacing looking curved blade, "I am fucking serious."

-  
Wow, I like this chapter.

It has

Drama: The cliffhanger and E.B.O's

Humor: The Opening

Action: Um... I jump from a window? sweatdrop

(1) Idea of E.B.O's taken from Orgy XIII. nodnod


End file.
